God-centered resources from the ministry of John Piper

In the CDG breakout session, Gregg Harris challenged pastors to inspire fathers to lead and instruct in the home.

Imitating God's Fatherhood

He said that first we must think theologically about both fatherhood and sonship. We should see how God the Father and Jesus relate, and then try to emulate that with our own children. We should not try to out-father God, because our fatherhood is defined by him, not the other way around.

There are 3 qualities in God’s father-son relationship that we should try to emulate in our own relationships:

1. The father makes the son a part of what he’s doing.
2. The son does the will of the father.
3. Father and son outdo one another in showing honor to one another

Harris reminded us that it is important that we, as fathers, don’t fall into the false humility that tends to think that we don’t have the right or ability to direct our children. The primary goal of training children is to prepare them to be included in our lives, as God includes Jesus. We should not think of our role as preparing them to fit in somewhere else, in someone else’s life or for someone else’s purposes.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children [1] of one's youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
(Psalm 127:3-5)

Children are arrows to be shot in the battle we are fighting. Don’t entrust your arrows to an enemy—you may be wounded.

So What Can Pastors Do to Inspire Fathers to Be Like This?

Harris offered one main answer: Be the kind of fathers you want the fathers in your church to be (1 Pet 5:2-3).

Be authoritative, not authoritarian. Authoritarian leaders appeal to their office to get their way. Authoritative leaders, on the other hand, gain their credibility by how they live. They don’t pull rank; they show themselves to be worthy of following because their own life serves as an example of the value of what they are teaching.

A pastor should only be a pastor if he is looked to as an example of how to live. Again, it is a false humility to avoid being an example for your flock.

Harris noted that one way to become the kind of father you hope to be is to take your own advice. What would you counsel a father in your church to do to strengthen his relationship with his son? Do that. We will be surprised how wise we are. We know a lot that we don’t put into practice.

A Simple Strategy for Fathering

He suggested this simple, summary strategy for fathering

1. Get a life.
2. Include your kids in it.

That’s it.

If that doesn’t feel like enough, here’s his 3rd step: repeat steps 1 and 2.

Get a life by being someone you would admire and putting your hand to something with all your might. Then include your kids by letting them know that you are training them up with a mission. Make them a part of what you do, and then engage them about it at their own level. (This may include ice cream.)

What Does This Kind of Fathering Look Like in Practice?

Harris urged us to not be concerned about whether what they’re doing now what they will always do. We should find the long-term value of what they love to do now, then nurture it, and give them what they need to pursue it. This will turn our gifts to them into tools rather than toys. We don’t need to be up to our elbows in everything they do, but we should be a committed patron of their art.

How Should Children Be Treated Like Arrows in the Hands of a Warrior?

Harris’s suggestions:

• Sharpen them intellectually. Have dinner together as a family. Invite guests into your home that will enlarge your children’s minds. Read.
• Straighten them out morally. Discipline them—if you can’t, call the police. Seriously. Make sure they know that you care enough to keep them in line.
• Pay attention to the feathers on the arrow, their moral guidance system
• Aim them at what matters. Don’t waste ammo on trivial targets.
• Hold them back till their ready to be released. (This may create tension.) Don’t over-protect, strategically protect.
• When they’re ready, let them go with only your prayer and friendship left as an influence.

Favorite Quotes from the Session

And, finally, here’s a couple Gregg Harris comments I couldn’t resist including:

“I’m an idiot who by the grace of God knows I’m an idiot. And that makes me wise.”

“We haven’t had a television for 35 years. We get so bored in our household that sometimes we go out and … do something.”

On the humility that comes from having a successful child: “Nobody stands around looking at the launching pad after the rockets have taken off.”