Dear Wife,

I have really wrestled with what God wants me to share in a letter like this. I’ve stopped and started a hundred times. I have found myself thinking, “They have already heard everything!” And then I remember that Paul, when writing to the churches, would often say things like “It’s no trouble for me to remind you of these things” (see Philippians 3:1).

“If we see just how near death is and how precious life is, adultery will look like the shriveled lie it really is.”

I guess I’m worried that it will just sound too obvious. But maybe you need to be reminded of the obvious. I know I do — about so many different struggles! So, it’s my joy to remind you why you would never want to have an adulterous heart toward your husband, and more importantly, toward God.

I have pictured myself sitting across the room from you, not knowing your whole story, but passionately compelled to snatch you away from the darkness.

Hunger for God’s Presence

Sin invites separation from God, and separation from God should terrify us. But our hearts are easily deceived, and 1 John 1:6 says, “If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.” I pray that you still have enough of the Spirit’s presence in your life to recognize what is leading you into darkness right now.

Where is your fight? Where is your struggle and straining and pressing on? I say this with tears in my eyes, but where is your desire to know the presence of God in your life?

The presence of the living God must be something you can’t live without! Nearness to him should be the most desperate cry of our hearts. With David, we should plead, “Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me” (Psalm 51:11). Are you so far from God that you don’t love the sound of his voice anymore? Has the surpassing worth of knowing Christ been lost in your heart?

Many women think that adultery happens when the passion for their husband is at war with their passion for someone else. But adultery really happens when your passion for the power and presence of God in your life is at war with the passions of lust and self-indulgence.

Jesus said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied” (Matthew 5:6). I see a lot of women hungry and thirsty for many things (attention, material things, freedom from responsibility, affirmation, something new). But a desire and a hunger to be righteous?

If you develop an appetite for righteousness, God himself will satisfy you. His presence and love will overwhelm you.

Pray for God’s Power

“If you develop an appetite for righteousness, God himself will satisfy you.”

Remember that this fight against adulterous temptations and for God’s presence is not a battle you can see.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)

This passage used to sound a little dramatic to me — maybe even alarmist. I’m embarrassed to admit that, but it’s true. But here I am now, overwhelmed by the intensity of the spiritual warfare that abounds. We wrestle against spiritual forces of evil? Yes, I believe it now. Do you?

If it’s true — if our battle is mainly a spiritual one — then we need to wage war with spiritual weapons. I know of a woman who was brokenhearted after finding out her husband was struggling terribly with pornography. But instead of crumbling at the enemy’s feet, she committed to fasting and praying regularly over her husband and their marriage. I know of other couples who fast and pray weekly together because they know how fierce the battle for their affections is.

When one of my friends heard that a young wife in her church was struggling with lustful thoughts towards another man, she boldly told her, “I want you to call me every time you feel that attraction and are struggling, and we’re going to pray in Jesus’s name for freedom and deliverance.” What an amazing response to something that we can’t talk people out of. “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all” (John 6:63).

Again, to state the obvious, fight spiritual battles with spiritual weapons. I cannot imagine that you could be so far down the road toward adultery, and still say you were faithfully praying and fasting and seeking God.

Don’t you want to watch God powerfully intervene?! I’m not talking about intervening by making your husband suddenly seem perfect, or taking away every sinful desire. But if you will humble yourself and pray, God will rescue you from the enemy.

Number Your Days

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). I don’t know why it’s so hard to be kind sometimes. Would your husband describe you as kind and tenderhearted?

A couple years ago, I had a doctor’s appointment that didn’t go very well. They saw some suspicious spots and wanted to do further testing. After they called me back in for more tests, I had to wait the weekend before getting the results. It was one of the best weekends of my life.

Call me gloom and doom, but I had my funeral planned by Friday night. That left two days to see everything in a different light. It was sort of an out-of-body experience, but in the best way. I was so affectionate toward my husband, I snuggled longer with my children, I seemed to know instinctively what not to care about, and all that was left was the pure enjoyment of the sweetness of life and love. At night I would tell God all my fears, and let his Spirit comfort me. I can’t tell you how good that was for me.

“If we are not fighting to enjoy the light of God’s presence, we are likely being lured by deceitful desires.”

Life is short. Please don’t forget that. Plead with the Lord to soften your heart, to offer forgiveness and to receive it. If we can see just how near death is and just how precious life is, adultery will look like the shriveled, satanic lie it really is.

If you are walking down that path that leads to anything but righteousness, turn back. I am praying that you will hear the voice of God calling you to himself, and you will drop everything and run to him.

He is worth it.