Audio Transcript
Imagine you are a brand-new believer — new to the faith — and your mother is an unbeliever, a woman who has fought cancer four times. But now she’s running out of time, and it looks like she is losing her final battle. What do you say to her when the clock is ticking, the stakes are eternal, and you are new to the faith? Today on Ask Pastor John: Don’t let her die before you say this.
“Pastor John, hello! My name is Ethan, in Newcastle, England. My mother, who has battled cancer four times since she was eighteen, is now facing what appears to be her final fight at the age of 51. As a believer of only two years, I am heartbroken, knowing she could pass away without the peace found in Christ. I’ve shared the gospel with her and will continue to do so, trusting in God’s sovereignty. While staying by her side to comfort her, how can I, as a young Christian, navigate this difficult situation in a way that honors God and reflects his love to my mother?”
Ethan, I don’t know if we have recorded this in time. It may be that your mother is already gone. If so, I’m sorry we didn’t make it in time, but I do hope that what I say here will be of some help to you (and to others, perhaps), since that will not be the last time that you say goodbye to somebody you love.
As I thought about how I might be of help, it seemed to me that the best thing I could do is to make the connection between your love for your mother and the love of Christ for you. It seems to me that you already have the right instincts for how to love her, because you say you’re going to stay by her and comfort her, and that you’ve tried to share the gospel with her. And I would urge simply that you keep on doing what you’re already doing, and that you see it as an expression of Christ’s love for you and through you to your mother.
Embody Christ’s Love
Here are the specifics of what I mean by this connection between you loving your mom and Jesus loving you. I’m going to suggest ten things that you can say to your mother, and that you can embody for your mother, which show the love that you have for her and the love Christ has for you in the same way. It is remarkable how Christ has loved us in all the ways that we can extend to dying loved ones.
“Christ has loved us in all the ways that we can extend to dying loved ones.”
The Bible says in 1 John 4:19, “We love because [God] first loved us,” and what that means right now for you is that every expression of your love for your mother is a picture — or an embodiment — of God’s love for you and through you to her. So, I’m going to give you ten things that you can say to your mother with Bible verses that show how God has loved you like that.
1. Express your love to her.
Say to her, “I love you, Mom. I love you so much.” Because God says to you, Ethan, “Being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which I loved you, Ethan, even when you were dead in your trespasses, I made you alive together with Christ” (see Ephesians 2:4–5).
2. Comfort her.
Say to her, “If I could, Mom, I would take your place — I really would.” Because Christ said to you, Ethan, “Surely I have borne your griefs. I have carried your sorrows. I was pierced for your transgressions. I was crushed for your iniquities” (see Isaiah 53:4–5).
3. Sympathize with her.
Say to her, “I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Every sympathetic bone in my body goes out to you, Mom.” Because Christ said to you, Ethan, “You do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with your weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted like you are, yet without sin” (see Hebrews 4:15).
4. Stand by her.
Say to her, “I will stand by you, Mom. I won’t leave you. I’ll be here.” Because Jesus said to you, Ethan, “I will never leave you nor forsake you. I am your helper. Don’t be afraid. No man can harm you” (see Hebrews 13:5–6).
5. Remind her.
Say to her, “You are very precious to me, Mom — very precious.” Because the Lord has said to you, Ethan, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints” (Psalm 116:15), and, “You are the apple of my eye, Ethan” (see Deuteronomy 32:10).
6. Desire her best.
Say to her, “I want the very best for you, Mom.” Because God said to you, Ethan, “Because you love me, I am working all things together for your good, because you are called according to my purpose. I did not spare my own Son, but gave him up for you, Ethan, and I will not fail to give you everything with him” (see Romans 8:28, 32). And he also said, “Ethan, I make the sun to rise on the evil and on the good” (see Matthew 5:45).
7. Serve her.
Say to her, “How can I serve you, Mom? Can I get you something?” Because Jesus has served you, Ethan, and given you an example. John 13:5: “He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”
8. Thank her.
Say to her, “You have been so faithful to me, Mom, so faithful. Thank you.” Because, Ethan, even though you never gave Jesus anything that he hadn’t first given you, nevertheless, you served him faithfully, and he will say on the last day, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21). So, say to her, “Well done, Mom. Well done.”
9. Speak tenderly to her.
Say to her, “I’m going to miss you, Mom. I’m really going to miss you.” Because God said to you, Ethan, “How can I give you up, O Ethan? How can I hand you over, O dear one? How can I make you like an enemy? My heart recoils within me. My compassion grows warm and tender” (see Hosea 11:8). God has spoken like that to you, Ethan, even though you were once his enemy. So, speak tenderly to her like that.
10. Make her glad.
Finally, say to her, “Mom, I won’t let you down. I will make you glad. I promise to live in a way you could admire.” Because Jesus has said to you, “I won’t let you down, Ethan. I will always be the kind of Savior you can admire. I will be for you unsearchable riches” (see Ephesians 3:8).
Love Her Toward Jesus
So, Ethan, you may or may not — God will give you wisdom in this — tell your mother that the ways you are loving her are stronger and more heartfelt because you have not only seen love in her, but you’ve seen it in Jesus. He has loved you these ways and given you the ability to love her in these ways. Then pray for her, and we will pray with you, that she sees the connection between being loved by her son and being loved by Christ — and we pray she would believe.
