Audio Transcript
Monday we looked at female beauty in a selfie culture. Today we look at correcting others in the age of social media. (We are taking our timing cues from our Bible reading.) If you were to make a list of verses most commonly asked about on this podcast, a top-fifteen list would include 2 Timothy 2:25 on correcting opponents gently, a big topic in the age of social media and a text in our Bible reading today.
The question is from a man who listens regularly to the podcast and wrote us this: “Hello, Pastor John! Paul instructs us to correct opponents with gentleness, hoping that God may grant them repentance (2 Timothy 2:25). But when I look around — especially online — it seems like so much correction, even from Christians, is harsh, sarcastic, or aggressive. I’ve even seen this happen in private conversations, where people think boldness means being blunt or even rude. How do we correct with gentleness without compromising truth? What does that look like in situations where someone is being openly hostile or spreading false teaching? Is there ever a time when strong, sharp words are appropriate, or should we always aim for a soft approach? I also wonder about my own heart — how can I recognize when my correction is driven by pride, frustration, or a desire to win an argument rather than by love? What are the dangers of correcting out of anger instead of godly patience?”
Tenderness and Toughness
Surely everyone who reads the Bible in a thoughtful way feels the challenge that, on the one hand, godly people are to
- give a soft answer that turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1),
- be kind to one another and tenderhearted (Ephesians 4:32),
- not return evil for evil, but bless (1 Peter 3:9),
- be long-suffering and patient, and forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22), and
- correct opponents with gentleness (2 Timothy 2:24–25)
because
- the meek are blessed (Matthew 5:5),
- Jesus is gentle and lowly (Matthew 11:29), and
- the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God (James 1:20).
And yet the challenge goes on. On the other hand, the godly are to
- rebuke with all authority (Titus 2:15),
- rebuke sharply (Titus 1:13),
- deal severely with adversaries sometimes in the use of authority (2 Corinthians 13:10),
- pronounce woes on the blind leaders of the blind (Matthew 23:13–36),
- assign to damnation those who resist correction and preach another gospel, and let them be accursed (Galatians 1:8), and
- not cast our pearls before swine (Matthew 7:6).
“We need to develop the spiritual discernment and emotional wholeness that lets us know how to respond to people.”
So, what are we to make of this both-and of gentleness and severity, tenderness and toughness? Paul said in Romans 11:22 (I remember what an effect this had on me fifty years ago when I first saw it in studying Romans), “Note then the kindness and the severity of God.” Take note of his kindness and his severity. And we certainly see both in the way Jesus and Paul spoke. Both of them: Paul, Jesus — they both spoke to different people in different situations with different tones.
Answer (Not) a Fool
Proverbs 26:4–5 captures the challenge flat out, face-to-face, bang. “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself.” Next verse: “Answer a fool according to his folly” — so, don’t answer him according to his folly; answer him according to his folly — “lest he be wise in his own eyes.” The author, I think, put those two proverbs back-to-back so that we would not make the mistake of thinking they were contradictions. If we saw them at one end of the Bible and the other, we’d say, “Oh, these authors contradicted each other.” No, they come back-to-back from the same author.
Sometimes, Jesus refused to answer fools, as when he asked about the baptism of John and they wouldn’t give him an answer that showed they loved truth. And so, he said, “I’m not going to talk to people like this” (see Matthew 21:23–27). And sometimes, he answered them severely, as when the Pharisees said, “We need to see a sign,” and Jesus said, “A wicked generation needs to see a sign” (see Matthew 12:39). So, he did both.
When I first became a pastor (oh, how I remember this) in 1980, I was so eager to get this tough-and-tender proportion right as a pastor that I read through the four Gospels in Greek, putting a “TO” in the margin for everything that sounded tough from Jesus and a “TE” for everything that sounded tender from Jesus. I’ve still got that New Testament. I got it out yesterday just to remind myself, Did I really do that? (It was only 45 years ago.) And there they are: TO, TE, all the way through all four Gospels. I remember that exercise so clearly (and I’m not going to tell you what the tally was, because it’s the doing of it — it’s the walking with the living Lord Jesus through the Gospels and watching him be tough and tender — that makes all the difference).
We need to develop the spiritual discernment and the kind of Holy Spirit–shaped emotional wholeness that lets us know how to respond to people — but, just as importantly, we need to have the wholeness that enables us to do it. It’s one thing to know how to do it; it’s another to actually have the emotional wholeness to do it, to respond the way we ought to, in a mature way that will be faithful to the truth, and express zeal for God’s glory, and give evidence of real heartfelt love for people, and build up the church, and reflect the beauty of Christ, and show brokenhearted boldness and unwavering contrite conviction, and advance the Lord’s mission in the world. That’s the measure. Those things are the measure of the wholeness of our response to various groups, and it calls for different kinds of responses.
How to Develop Wholeness
So, here are a few factors that I think will help us develop that kind of discernment and emotional wholeness and enable us to respond to people the way we should.
First, there are different kinds of people calling for different kinds of responses. There are wolves about to devour the sheep, and there are sheep. “Admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all” (1 Thessalonians 5:14). That does not mean that you get to deal harshly with all harsh people and gently with gentle people. The gentle might need a very firm word, and a soft word just might be what breaks the back of the hardest resistance. It just means that there are different kinds of people in different situations, and one size just doesn’t fit all.
Second, it’s utterly crucial that we admit and feel the depth of our own sinfulness in disputes with other people. This may be the most important thing I have to say, at least for myself. One of my greatest warnings against clever, sarcastic, entertaining, effective put-downs of my adversary is that I enjoy it way too much. That’s a warning. The fact that corrective repartee comes easily and tears come with difficulty is a sign of a deep problem inside John Piper, and it should put the brakes on a lot of what I am about to say. Acts 20:31 says that Paul admonished people with tears. Philippians 3:18 says that he spoke of the enemies of the cross with tears. Romans 9:2 says he spoke with great sorrow and anguish of heart about his lost kinsmen. It’s the absence of tears that tells me I may not be ready for severe speech toward other people.
Third, our culture is emotionally soft, and we need to keep this in mind. I think we have our feelings hurt more quickly than the people of Jesus’s day, or sixty years ago. A lot of people today would accuse Jesus of verbal abuse, flat out. He shouldn’t talk like that. Period. It triggers me. And so, they don’t know what to do. We’re quick to blame, quick to play the victim, quick to feel self-pity, quick to manipulate with our woundedness. I mention this simply because, if we’re not aware of it, we may let our tenderness be co-opted by a calculating use of cherished grievances. That would help nobody.
Fourth, God looks on the heart. He assesses the motive of our soft word or our tough word. When Paul threatened to deal severely with the church at Corinth in 2 Corinthians 13:10, he spoke of his authority as given to him for building up, not for tearing down. So, motive matters.
Fifth, keep in mind that if the person you are speaking to is a believer, you will live together in heaven — with Christ, with them — forever. Let this have its effect on how you speak to others and about others now.
Sixth, some effort to communicate to an adversary one-on-one is a good governor on ungodly public communication.
And finally, seventh, let us pray that Isaiah 50:4 would come true for us every day: “The Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary.” If the Lord can teach us that, he can teach us how to correct our opponents as well.
