Four Promises for Those Longing for Pregnancy

When God deemed it good for me to wait for a baby, I was devastated. Anxiety, bad theology, and impatience sprouted up like sinful weeds in my heart. This was not the road I would have chosen. But then God, in his kindness, revealed a problem even worse than an empty crib: I was not waiting on him. I was waiting solely for a baby.

During this season, I found myself moving through the “stages” of the month with dread. First, another negative pregnancy test. Second, the stress surrounding trying. Third, the crawl of days while waiting. And fourth, the moment when God says yes or no — again.

My wandering heart needed anchors in these monthly movements. I needed promises from Scripture to cling to and pray as I fought different temptations week by week. So, what you have before you, dear sister, is a battle plan to wait ultimately on God as we also wait for a baby.

Stage 1: The Negative

Waiting women know the gut-wrenching, heart-pounding moment when you find out there is no life in your womb. The pain can cut like a knife. As another negative pregnancy test falls into the trash, we can feel our satisfaction in our Savior slipping as well. How can Christ be enough when a baby is so precious? In dark moments like these, God has drawn my gaze to the shining hope of Romans 8:32:

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

The greatest Father gave up his Child to welcome us into his family forever. God laid down the infinitely precious gift of Jesus; therefore, he can be trusted with every lesser need of ours. If we believe this truth, our empty womb and family size cannot ultimately steal our joy.

“To the woman who longs to obey God while trying, God promises to give you wisdom if you ask.”

Often in times of waiting, the gospel doesn’t make our jaws drop and our souls sing like it once did. Our hearts long for little kicks and a growing belly, but let’s teach them to long even more for Christ. Milton Vincent’s encouragement pierces me to the core: “As for my specific earthly circumstances of plenty or want, I can see them always as infinite improvements on the hell I deserve” (A Gospel Primer for Christians, 48). So, whenever we stand heartbroken in the bathroom yet again, we can preach to our soul, Salvation is infinitely more than I deserve.

If you stand on the edge of another long month of waiting, dive deep in the pool of God’s sacrificial love for you in Christ.

Stage 2: The Trying

When actively trying for a baby, we may believe we sit in the driver’s seat. The temptation to lean on our own understanding sits a click away. But human sources of wisdom, when consulted as if they were gods, lead to stress, not joy, and they cannot conform us to the image of Christ as we wait.

So, how do we try to conceive with genuine wisdom in this season — the wisdom that leads believing women to greater faith and not just to a larger family? James has an answer:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)

To the woman who longs to obey God while trying, God promises to give you wisdom if you ask. He will show you how to trust him, to enjoy him, in the particular nuances of your trial. Nothing in the world offers that kind of hope! Every doctor, natural remedy, and wives’ tale cannot compare to the wisdom coming down from your Father.

Practically, this may look like taking a break from search engines, asking your husband to decide on next steps, or stopping all the “extra” methods altogether. God will be faithful to provide wisdom in the moment-by-moment decisions as we prioritize his purposes and glory, even as we also long for the good gift of new life.

Stage 3: The Waiting

This time of the month has been my sharpest thorn. The waiting goes against every fiber of my being. For one, two, or three weeks, I’ve hated that there is nothing I can do but wait. Even still, God, in his faithfulness, has done what he promises to do in the unknown. He has stripped my reliance on control and made me trust him as I’ve waited. And Psalm 33:20–21 has been the tool he used:

Our soul waits for the Lord;
     he is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in him,
     because we trust in his holy name.

Though tears often flood this trial, still we can shine as women whose hearts are glad in God. How? By trusting “in his holy name.” For God to be holy means, among other things, that he is distinct, set apart, and altogether different from us. He knows better; he sees what we can’t see; his plan emerges as much higher and grander than we could imagine. Jeremiah Burroughs says it well: “The Lord knows how to order things better than I” (The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, 36). What better time for our hearts to grow in this belief than during the part of the month when we ourselves can do nothing?

Let’s trust God’s ordering as we sit in the uncomfortable space of waiting to know his will.

Stage 4: The Test

The awaited day arrives, and you know there will be sorrow or joy. The pain may be so real and deep that you struggle to breathe. Or you may bask in the glow of pregnancy (and perhaps instantly feel tempted to jump to the next list of fears). What will be our response, whether in the heights or the depths? Let’s instruct our hearts with Job’s testimony:

He knows the way that I take;
     when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. (Job 23:10)

If we hear another “no,” let’s mourn and honestly plead with God (Job 23:1–9). At the same time, may Job’s cry help us to believe that God knows our painful road and will be faithful to make us more like gold — more like Christ (Romans 8:29).

If we do receive the gift of life, let us believe God is purposefully sovereign. He created this child, and he has given us this pregnancy to make us shine for his glory. So, whether the trimesters are smooth or stressful, our joy can remain in the One who knows exactly what we need.

Whether you have been waiting two months or two years or far longer, I’m so sorry. For married women, few trials can feel so emotional, painful, and humbling. But the more we submit to God’s hard providence in our lives, the more we welcome the treasure that awaits on the other side.

We will look more like Jesus. We will proclaim to a watching world that Jesus is worth it, empty arms or full. We will wait on the Lord while we wait for a baby.