Welcome to the Ask Pastor John podcast. This week we are joined by guest Tedd Tripp, probably best known for his two bestselling parenting books, Shepherding a Child’s Heartand Instructing a Child’s Heart. … Dr Tripp, thank you for joining us this week, we have a big week ahead so lets get right into it. And lets start big picture. Parenting is hard and demanding work — I think every parent will agree. But are the aims and goals of parenthood really all that complicated? In other words, do Christian parents seem to over simplify parenting or make it too complex?
Well, I think that, you know, as you said, parenting is hard work and it requires time and focus and intentionality, but I don't think that necessarily has to be terribly complicated either. You know, one of the problems we have, I think, in modern culture is that parents want to have children. Excuse me, people want to have children, but they don’t necessarily want to be parents. You know, we almost view children sometimes as possessions. You know, I have got these kids. Aren’t they cute? And especially when they are real young, you know, and everyone oohs and aahs over your children. But the calling of being a parent is really a full time focus. It has got to be one of the primary things that you are involved in when you are raising children.
So I think, you know, Tony, that knowing God, modeling God’s ways to our ... for our children is really the big picture idea, you know, that I am a Christian and I love God and I want to draw my children into that whole spiritual world of this wonderful God and love for him and delight in him and the helping him to see and embrace the goodness of God’s ways and the riches of God’s truth. That is where I want to be going with my kids all the time.
So... and I think, you know, in the simplest terms and kind of the overview that I want parents to take away from my work on parenting is that the goal is not just managing behavior. The goal is really shepherding a heart. The goal is nurture so that my responsibility as a parent is not just to control, to constrain, to limit the range of choices, to manage this kid so that he jumps through my hoops and does the things that I would like him to do, because I think a lot of parents end up with no more profound focus than that, even Christian parents. But I want to be shepherding his heart. I want him to understand that the heart is the wellspring of life. It is Proverbs 4:23. Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Then all the choices, the desires and purposes of the person are bound up inside and, you know, we make choices and make decisions based on what is attractive and important to us.
You know, all the way through raising kids that is what I want to do. Now the way you do it is going to be very different with a two year old than with a ... you know, a teenager. I mean, because a two year old is not going to be self conscious about motivation. I can’t ask him about his heart. He doesn't even understand. He lacks the vocabulary, the insight, the understanding, the facility with ideas to even interact with that question. So, you know, you begin with kids talking about the heart even when you do correction. So a little child, you know, knocks over his sister and takes her toy, I want to correct that behavior. Honey, no, no. You may not do that. Your sister was playing with that. We are going to give that back to her. When I correct her or correct him, I am going to use the language of the heart to describe the thing. So, honey, you are not being kind to your sister. You are loving yourself, not loving her. You are serving yourself. You are not serving her. You must give the toy back to your sister. She was playing with it. That is a way you can express love for her.
So that I am... even in my correction of this two year old I am talking about things other than just give her back that toy. That is bad. Don’t be bad. You know, be nice to your sister. Well, those terms don’t have any meaning. There is no content to them. So I am going to give content to that by talking about the heart. And with older kids, obviously, you can talk about heart issues much more thoroughly and even teach them through the middle years about attitudes of heart and the way that behavior is pushed and pulled by what goes on inside.
So parenting is really, by God’s grace, aimed at raising faith-filled Christians.
Sure. I think that, yeah, I want to raise kids that understand the world of reality. There is a God in heaven. He is glorious. He is good. And I want them to see his goodness.
So good. Thank you Dr Tripp! … Parenting expert Tedd Tripp will be with us all week. He is the author of the bestselling books, Shepherding a Child’s Heartand Instructing a Child’s Heart. … So what is the single greatest threat to the Christian family? ... I’ll ask Dr. Tripp that question tomorrow. I’m your host Tony Reinke. We’ll see you then.