Is God Dishonored When We Grieve?

Just this week, my dad sent me a link of one of our favorite gospel singers singing “His Eye Is on the Sparrow.” It relates to our theme, “Why We Sing.” The refrain of that song goes,

I sing because I’m happy —
I sing because I’m free —
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

There is something profound in saying, “I sing because I’m happy.” That is often the case; and so we often identify singing with joy. Joy in the soul gives rise to singing with the lips. But are there more reasons to sing than because we’re already happy?

The book of Psalms gives us saint after saint who sang because they were sad; because they were grieving; because they were disoriented, confused, or afraid; because they were lonely, guilty, or ashamed.

Psalms of praise and thanksgiving give vent to joy and gratitude; psalms of lament seek joy in the midst of sorrow and suffering and pain. And in fact, these laments are the most common type of psalm. They make up over a third of the Psalms: fifty to sixty psalms.

At Desiring God, we celebrate the pervasive biblical reality that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. We are joy-seekers and joy-celebraters, not simply because we can’t deny our own longing to be happy, but also because our God, our Christ, looks good when his people are happy in him.

This raises a huge question for us, as for all Christians: What about sadness? If God is honored in his people’s joy in him — if the good shepherd looks good when his sheep are contented and flourishing — then how do we approach and appropriate the many inevitable, unavoidable sorrows and griefs we face in this world?

To put a point on it: Is God dishonored when his people grieve? Does sadness in his people taint the glory of our God?

Sorrows Like Sea Billows

In a few minutes, we’re going to sing “It Is Well,” our signature hymn at Desiring God. It begins like this:

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
“It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Let’s be clear where sorrow and sadness came from. Sorrow entered into our world because of human sin. In God’s original creation, there was no sadness. Sadness came at the fall and in the curse.

And sadness in this age can be holy or unholy. In our sin, we experience unholy grief. Not all grief is good. There is “excessive sorrow” (2 Corinthians 2:7), and insufficient sorrow, and misplaced sorrow, like that of the rich young ruler:

When he heard these things [from Jesus], he became very sad, for he was extremely rich. Jesus, seeing that he had become sad, said, “How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!” (Luke 18:23–24)

But not all sadness is unholy. Far from it. The Scriptures give example after example of holy, righteous, mature, good, godly grief:

• Grief over the unbelief of loved ones (Romans 9:2)
• Grief over a final parting (Acts 20:37–38)
• Grief over the death of a loved one (Philippians 2:27)
• Grief over unjust suffering: “This is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly.” (1 Peter 2:19)
• Grief over sin, leading to repentance: “I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief. . . . For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you!” (2 Corinthians 7:9–11)

“Paul doesn’t say, ‘Don’t grieve!’ but, ‘Grieve with hope!’”

Godly grief, holy sorrow, is not like the world’s grief. Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 4:13 that Christians do “not grieve as others do who have no hope.” He doesn’t say, “Don’t grieve!” but, “Grieve with hope!” And hope, biblically, is not a thin wish or dream but a secure (and glad) confidence that God will bring his promises to pass.

Grief in Love

So, sorrow and grief in this age are not just allowable but can be holy — and necessary. It’s a good thing to cry at the right time. We see this in Jesus, the man of sorrows, acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3):

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” (John 11:33–36)

That’s a good insight: grief as expression of love. What you grieve reveals who and what you love. Jesus’s grief, his weeping, showed his love for Lazarus and his sisters.

But Jesus didn’t come only to feel our sorrows with us, but to bear them for us. He carried them on his own back to the cross, when he bore the curse of our sin for us.

Surely he has borne our griefs
     and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
     smitten by God, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions;
     he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
     and with his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:4–5)

This means a day is coming when we will have no more sorrows. “He will wipe away every tear . . .  and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore” (Revelation 21:4). Or as Isaiah himself says (twice!):

The ransomed of the Lord shall return
     and come to Zion with singing;
everlasting joy shall be upon their heads;
     they shall obtain gladness and joy,
     and sorrow and sighing shall flee away. (Isaiah 35:10; 51:11)

That day is coming.

Real Singing in Real Sorrow

But what about now? For now, how do joy and sorrow relate in the Christian life? We close with two ways.

First, for now, joy not only follows sorrow, but joy and sorrow coexist:

As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing. (2 Corinthians 6:4, 10)

In this [living hope] you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith — more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire — may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:6–7)

We rejoice though grieved.

Second, sorrows now prepare for us greater joy in the end.

This light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. (2 Corinthians 4:17)

In this age, this mingling of joy and sorrow prepares for us an eternal weight of glory.

So, at Desiring God, that little phrase, “especially in suffering,” is critical for us. And we don’t just say, “even in suffering,” but we go so far as to say, “especially in suffering.”

For now, willingness to experience sadness and sorrow is not a concession for joy-seeking Christians but an opportunity — even a necessity. For now, we cannot pursue the deepest and most enduring joy without willingness to grieve joys denied and loves lost.

For now, we say, “especially in suffering.” We experience sorrows like sea billows. They are real sorrows. We grieve them. Oh, do we! And real joy in God enables us to grieve them and not to drown in them, and truly to say, “It is well with my soul.”

Singing is not only an expression of wellness and joy in the soul, but also a God-given means to stay afloat in the waves of this life’s sorrows.