Christ Sweetens Every Friendship

Oil and perfume make the heart glad,
     and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. (Proverbs 27:9)

The sweetness of friendship has often been sweetest for me in the worst times. I say “often” because I have enjoyed so many mountaintop moments with friends: taking a long road trip; watching our teams win a big game (admittedly, I have few of these memories as a Cincinnati fan); enjoying unforgettable meals; laughing until it hurts; standing in each other’s weddings; serving together in a church family; sharing the gospel and seeing souls come to faith. Anyone with friends knows that every other joy doubles with friends.

I believe that effect multiplies in the valleys. And Scripture doesn’t disagree with me: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). I have those brothers: men who have walked with me through thick forests of uncertainty; stayed awake with me through long, dark nights of disappointment or failure; and borne the bitter flames of trials by my side. I wouldn’t trade these men for millions of dollars. God gives us friends for our joy in every season and circumstance, but especially in the hard ones.

Sweetness in Seven Stitches

Once when I was in seminary, I attempted to fix a cheap picture frame, and one of the brackets sliced my wrist open. Blood was everywhere. When I showed my roommate, he was so freaked out he left black beans cooking on the stove to rush me to the hospital (no, the house did not burn down). Actually, both my roommates jumped into the SUV that night. By the time we arrived in the ER, the bleeding had stopped — though, given the location of the cut, the nurses asked me a dozen times whether I was depressed or despairing.

I got seven stitches. I can count the scars fifteen years later, and my friends and I still talk about the med student who sutured me up. He was shaking so badly, I thought he might cut me open again. What I best remember about that night, however, is that it was a Proverbs 17:17 moment for me. All alone, the whole experience would have been miserable — painful, difficult, inconvenient, kind of embarrassing. But because I had two of my best friends with me, it’s a good memory — even happy. That’s the joy-fortifying power of friendship.

Again, don’t take my word for it. God himself says, “Two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9) and then gives several reasons why. God-centered friendship fuels greater joy in God because a good friend picks you up, keeps you close, fights your fights, and guards your soul.

1. A Friend Picks You Up

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10)

This verse describes my clumsy seven-stitch debacle. By God’s grace and gift, I didn’t have to bleed alone that night. I had friends to pick me up and rush me to the hospital, just as they picked me up in all kinds of ways during our years living together.

“Through friendship, God applies strength to our weaknesses and grace to our failures.”

If God gives you a friend, then you have someone to lift you up when you stumble and fall — and we all eventually stumble and fall. And if you don’t have those friends, life’s going to be pretty dark when you fall: “Woe to him.” You have stumbled, you will stumble, and you will need friends to lift you onto your feet again. Through friendship, God applies strength to our weaknesses and grace to our failures. I for one can confirm: Two are better than one.

2. A Friend Keeps You Close

Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? (Ecclesiastes 4:11)

At first glance this is the most uncomfortable point, especially for men. I’ve never had to lie down together like this with a buddy, and it’s a little strange to imagine, but that’s only because I haven’t been to war. This is a battlefield picture. Soldiers often face bitter cold weather with no cover, sometimes for days at a time, and so they have to huddle together to stay warm — to stay alive. Cloth wasn’t enough for these men. And it won’t be for us, either.

Eventually your soul will face cold nights or weeks or years when your heart is exposed to harsh conditions — disappointment or rejection or betrayal. Days will come when you’ll need the warmth of a friend’s faith and love to survive spiritually. Two are better than one.

3. A Friend Fights Your Fights

And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him — a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

When an enemy attacks you on the battlefield, it’s better to face him with allies at your side. This is obvious, and yet how many fools go out to spiritual battle alone every day? Every Christian wrestles “against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12) — and yet so many confront all that evil without enlisting fellow soldiers. Satan wants to keep you isolated (Proverbs 18:1). You have an enemy, and you’ll be stronger against him if you fight him with good friends. Two are better than one.

4. A Friend Guards Your Soul

Again, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (Proverbs 27:9). The God-soaked joy of friendship springs from its commitment to give each other God. That’s what this earnest counsel is, right? It’s a friend saying whatever we need to hear right now — whether we want to hear it or not — to keep us from wandering away from the way, the truth, and the life.

Artificial intelligence will give you plenty of “counsel” about an infinite number of things, but it will never give you earnest counsel. Only a friend can love you like that.

Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:12–13)

Who knows and loves you enough to guard your soul this way? That kind of courage and compassion makes friendship happy, and that kind of friendship makes a life happy in Christ.